Sometimes it takes Patient.....

Sometimes it takes a sentence to put it all in perspective.  Today that sentence was "I really didn't think he was gonna do that to me". 

It came from a patient I had tonight who was badly injured by her boyfriend.  The father of her child.  And she was only two years older than me.

I've been an ER nurse for four years and I've seen my fair share from the "oh my God" to the "God awful".  I rarely cry or get emotional anymore because I think I've become desensitized.  But today, I had to hide my tears from that woman.  Because SHE was still trying to put on a smile.  She was going to be going to the ICU and SHE still tried to make light of it.  And it made me want to cry.

Earlier, I was on my soapbox at work about the injustices of the "system" blah blah blah.  And I won't take my opinions back but the fact is - I leave and come home to an apartment that's mine, a dog I love and a boy who is incapable of inflicting the kind of physical and emotional damage I witnessed tonight.  I have family and friends who love me and my health.  

I wanted to cry for her - because her biggest concern was that she was inconveniencing us all.  I wanted to give her a hug and tell her it wasn't her fault and I wanted her to believe me.  I wanted to cry for me because I feel like such a selfish brat.  I wanted to call The Boy and just thank him for everything.  For the fact that he would sit on the phone with me (no matter how badly he wants sleep) if I needed him to help placate my stupid anxieties. I wanted to call my parents and tell them that I loved them and thanks for the healthy genes.

I want to remember this feeling every single day I work.  Sometimes it's not easy.  But I want to leave that place and know that I made a teeny smidgen of a difference.  At least in my own attitude.