The Power of Smell, Good Playlists and Past Relationships

I read somewhere that the sense of smell is most closely related to making memories.  I think that explains why I love the smell of The Boy.  And my dog's breath.  And certain subway stations.  Each and every one of those scents brings me back to a certain time in my life.

"Stop smelling my armpits - you weirdo.  I told you, you can only do that when we're alone.  Not in public".

That's an excerpt from a normal conversation between The Boy and I.  I remind him that I'm making memories.  I'm half kidding.  But I really mean it.

I remember one day a long time ago, I was on the subway.  I had just broken up with my high school boyfriend of four years and everything set me off.  I was like a time bomb.  Some guy standing near me smelled just like the drug store cologne my ex wore.  I remember wishing to the heavens that I could just forget that smell.  Because I was 18 and dramatic and breaking up is hard to do.  I thought I would forever be haunted by that smell.

A thousand years later and I wouldn't be able to identify it anymore.  It's been replaced by the smell of growing up.  Certain areas of the ER where I work, the perfume I pull out for first dates and new beginnings.  My own shampoo.  Spring.  A lot of memories were created between then and now and my mind has (thankfully) replaced that smell.

The sense of smell is crucial to my existence.

Another memory maker is music.  I think if you polled 100 people with a variety of songs - they could assign a place, a time, a feeling and an event to many of the songs.  And they would all be very indivdual.

The Boy has a very eclectic list of songs on his pod.  I love his pod.  I love sitting in the car, playing DJ from the passenger side - because I know he has songs that I'll like.  And because he has no qualms about me playing songs on repeat.  The way I like to listen to them  But sometimes, when I'm feeling masochistic and retrospective, I let my mind wander.

Do some of these songs have a meaning assigned to them?  Does he think about his ex when he hears certain guitar chords or certain lyrics?  I try not to dwell on the past.  If you get me on a logical day I'll tell you all the many reasons I know I have nothing to fear when it comes to the past.  

I think the fact that I obsess over it sometimes has to do with how little I know.  He never really talks about why it ended, who she was or any of those little details your stomach can't handle but you have to know.  He doesn't do this to be secretive.  I know if I asked he would share.  (I think).  But I don't ask.  I don't want to know.  But I do.

It's not as though I've diagrammed out my entire relationship with my ex either.  He doesn't ask.  And I hate to sound bitter, so I don't tell.

But, sometimes I can't help but wonder if it's crucial to the "now" to know about the "was".

But then I turn up "This Must Be the Place" by the Talking Heads real loud (to drown out my insecurities) and realize - this song is our memory maker.  

That and his arm pits.