Words....

Even on my best days, there are times that my nemesis Anxious and her sister Insecure come to visit.  And while you've done wonders to placate my fears, nothing can stop them once they're inside.  When you say "forever", they whisper that "forever" is pretty vague.  They want hard proof.  A date, a limb, a shared lease at least.  I assure you they aren't who I am anymore.  But sometimes the past comes back unannounced.  And I'm helpless to accommodate.

You've done wonders to calm most fears though.  I know I'm safest when I'm asleep in your arms.  I know you mean words like "gorgeous", "never" and "forever".  I know you are one of those rare souls that were born minus the deceit gene.  And I love you for that.  

Sometimes I resist.  And you putter on through.  You fight my pig-headedness and you prove over and over again that you are not any of the "thems".

Today was one of those days.  I felt Anxious knocking again.  She wanted to remind me that you're still there while I sleep.  Insecure reminded me of the five pounds I swore I'd lose by now.  Sometimes I want to beat them out of me.  But how do I beat up myself?  I mean, don't I do that enough?  So I try to come up with concrete evidence to the contrary.  And I win in small defeats.

I get better everyday.  I believe the "I love you" and I am getting very used to "forever" (sometimes you add two "evers" and I know you mean business).